employed!

i gave in and am now working again in retail (part time of course, i dont really want to go insane).... things haven't really changed since i have been gone, so this new job is cake. but i forgot what it feels like to actually stand for several hours at a time without rest ......my body is hating me right now.

the new job has also brought back a new (or old really...just not thought about for some time) list of retail insight(*cough venting*) to share...

1. I am sorry if I can't just glance at you and guess what size you wear..... I am not even sure of what size I wear most of the time.....so please don't act appalled if I guess too big, you asked....

2. Yes, if you are inappropriately rude to me.... I will do anything it takes to get you out of my store as soon as possible.... this includes telling you that the store does not carry what you are looking for and/or hanging out in the stock room for a bit and coming out to tell you we do not have something in your size when we very well may...

3. I do not care how nice you think you are being.... do not try to put things back where you got them... I just end up having to button, zip, fold, tie, hang, and size order them AGAIN anyway... and that is only if you actually found the right spot.... and then I have other irate customers insisting that they "found it on the sale rack"

4. Sometimes, managers assign people to zones.... if you think I am ignoring you and could be ringing you up so that you can make it to the sale next door 5 minutes sooner.... think again... I have probably been assigned to do something else and am not able to leave that post....for example...i may have to stand at the fitting room to make sure that you are not doing #3

5. I am REQUIRED to greet you happily at the door AND tell you ALL 100 sales that the store is having ....please just listen, or act like you are listening without the attitude.... I don't want to say it just as much as you don't want to hear it..... (If I do not do this successfully, I will be disciplined a.k.a stuck at the fitting rooms)

6. I am also REQUIRED to ask you if you would like to save an extra percentage off of your purchase by opening a line of credit with my store.... once again, attitude is not needed..... I could care less about how many other credit cards you have.... a simple no will do(disciplinary action above applies)

7. Another thing that I am REQUIRED to do is suggest things that will compliment what you are already purchasing or thinking about purchasing.... I am in no way trying to trick, force, or swindle you into spending more money.... I get paid the same amount of money regardless of what you do or do not buy

8. Is there a sign at the mall entrance, that I don't know about, that says "No Manners Allowed"? A *Please* and *Thank you* would be nice, considering I do not work for tips and I am giving you better service than any waiter/waitress/valet/pizza guy/etc. you will ever meet

9. Just as this should apply in most public places.... I am not getting paid to be your maid... Do you really need to leave gum, spilled drinks, tissues you blew your nose in, mashed up food in the fitting rooms or on clothing fixtures for me to find? Is that like some weird kind of practical joke you play and laugh about on your drive home?

10. If you know ahead of time that you are looking for white summer dresses (any type of clothing can be substituted here) and you plan on trying a bajillion of them on.... wearing less make-up would be a good idea...... yea I know my world revolves around you, the customer, but your foundation and lipstick are now smudged all over, potentially ruining our merchandise and the merchandise of the 10 other stores you were at before this one

11. I realize that you may not view retail sales as the most prestigious type of job for someone to have.... but condescending tone and actions are not welcome.... While I am waiting on you hand and foot, I am also thinking about how much longer I have to do this to save enough for GRADUATE SCHOOL ..... no.....working here is not my greatest achievement in life, one day you will be shopping in MY stores

12. Rules are rules. It is not my fault that you forgot the return policy is 30 days, thought the coupon was good through next month, lost your receipt, didn't know the mall was closing early for the holiday, or that you misunderstood the sale signs ..... Getting mad at me for your oversight is pointless and a waste of my time

(time that I could be using to zip, button, fold, hang and put back all 600 pairs of pants you left wadded up on the floor of the fitting room)