blah. that is how i feel about blogging lately.
sorry to the faithful readers (you know who you are.... and i do as well...sort of....)
I miss my Sedona Stalker. I wonder who you were.
So grace-walk is on hold... in case you had not noticed. I literally don't even know where my notes/book is at the moment... I also have not spent time thinking about that stuff for awhile... I have not even been able to seriously sit down with my bible in awhile either... since im going to be honest..... which on a side-note is interesting.... I have not read my bible... but I have not felt so in-tune with jesus and my faith as I am feeling lately... I have just been blessed with an amazing support group.... some came out of nowhere even, but i am extremely thankful for them all....
anywho...back to updating
I am now officially living in Casa Grande, Az again. I have mixed feelings about it so far.
Free rent.... awesome. Having my parents keeping tabs on me.... not awesome. And its not in a strict way... just a "hey where are you? or where are you going? what time are you coming home?" I'm going to miss not having to report to anyone.
Also, I just managed to move my whole life into a room that is about the same size as my closet at my townhouse in tempe..... the fact that I am making it work.... awesome. The realization that I own waaaaaaaaaay to much crap.... not awesome.
my company landed an amazing contract..... awesome. I am going to be commuting on I-10 now everyday.... not awesome.
being welcomed back by some great old friends (and new ones too) with arms wide open.... awesome. Having to explain to them what happened .... not awesome. Word gets around in a small town and how do you tell your story w/o bias?
i get to spend time with my family again... awesome. i am reminded daily that there is a family that i have lost as well.... not awesome.
i get to see my darling nephews everyday now... awesome. sometimes being with them reminds me of plans that i have to let go of.... not awesome.
awesome, i am actually experiencing more joy than i expected lately...... not awesome, there are a lot of loose ends that i think i will never have a chance to tie up .... a lot of things left unsaid...
there is a great lesson to be learned.......sounds like my next blog
that is as clever as i can be tonight.
i thank jesus for my comfort and my clarity through all of this
9.7.08
the first truth (back to grace walk again)
(sorry for the interruption)
ask this on a sunday morning and see the discussion arise: What does it mean to live a Christian life? Why is everyone's answer completely different.... who knows. But no one really seems to have the real answer.
I use to answer that with "your life should look like this" kind of answers. Filled with reading your bible, praying a lot, saving the world, being nice, etc. So this first truth puzzled me for awhile bc it clearly strikes down a "your life should look like this" type of answer.
Truth: Improving your behavior will not give you victory in the Christian life.
Um hello? I have been taught for how many years of my life how to become more christian or be closer to god... and there was always something i needed to improve on or do better in order to have that perfect life.
But the author really got my brain turning because he asks "what are some of the things you've done to try to be victorious?" but right after asks if those actions really gave you a victorious life. NO! Mediocre at best... filled with lots of "rededication" (which by the way is not even a word, according to spell check... if its not a word how can you do it?)
But the bible describes the Christian life as full of joy and victory? Whats the deal then? I have felt more defeat than victory in my life.
What really stuck out to me thinking about this truth is the word flesh. Paul describes his life before Christ as "fleshy" (Philippians 3:3-6) But to everyone else he seemed perfect. I have read that passage so many times but never got what he was saying until now. Paul says its not about what family you are raised in, how well u know scripture, how devoted you are, or how perfect you may act. Its not about behavior.... so then why did i ever think that improving my behavior would make my life better? No idea.
I now see flesh as living a life based on :
Self- Sufficiency
Achievement
Trying
Earning favor
Promising
Self-Improvement
Commitment
Dedication
Instead of a life based on just trusting God. Before this, I always put flesh with murder, adultery, immorality, etc.
So what does it mean to live the Christian life? It means to trust God, with everything... with your whole life..... and thats it. Thats what it looks like.
Easy enough answer.... no one ever seems to give that answer though.
The next thing I really enjoyed was how the author uses Genesis to put all of this in perspective. How to live a Christian life is right there, in the first book (Genesis 2:8-9, 16-17). My favorite part is pointing out the 2 specific trees... theres the Tree of Life .... and the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil.
That would be the first indication that Life .... and Right&Wrong.... are completely separate things.... (I never even noticed that distinction before... and we have all read Genesis 2 like a bajillion times).....PLUS God never intended that people live a life knowing good & evil which is why they were forbidden to eat from that tree....and only that tree... All they had to do was trust God, he had provided everything for them... THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Why did they eat from it then? For 2 reasons.... 1)they thought they could do (behavior) something to be like God and 2) they thought that they were not like God. Both of those were lies... (Genesis 1:26-31 and 3:5)
Anyway, I totally relate to Eve. I have a desire to be godly and so I try to improve myself, but really I have been lied to... I am already like God, I even have Christ as my life. I don't have to do anything at all. Not one thing.... except trust God and allow him to transform me....
"oh the folly of trying to enter a room that you are already in." -- watchman nee
ask this on a sunday morning and see the discussion arise: What does it mean to live a Christian life? Why is everyone's answer completely different.... who knows. But no one really seems to have the real answer.
I use to answer that with "your life should look like this" kind of answers. Filled with reading your bible, praying a lot, saving the world, being nice, etc. So this first truth puzzled me for awhile bc it clearly strikes down a "your life should look like this" type of answer.
Truth: Improving your behavior will not give you victory in the Christian life.
Um hello? I have been taught for how many years of my life how to become more christian or be closer to god... and there was always something i needed to improve on or do better in order to have that perfect life.
But the author really got my brain turning because he asks "what are some of the things you've done to try to be victorious?" but right after asks if those actions really gave you a victorious life. NO! Mediocre at best... filled with lots of "rededication" (which by the way is not even a word, according to spell check... if its not a word how can you do it?)
But the bible describes the Christian life as full of joy and victory? Whats the deal then? I have felt more defeat than victory in my life.
What really stuck out to me thinking about this truth is the word flesh. Paul describes his life before Christ as "fleshy" (Philippians 3:3-6) But to everyone else he seemed perfect. I have read that passage so many times but never got what he was saying until now. Paul says its not about what family you are raised in, how well u know scripture, how devoted you are, or how perfect you may act. Its not about behavior.... so then why did i ever think that improving my behavior would make my life better? No idea.
I now see flesh as living a life based on :
Self- Sufficiency
Achievement
Trying
Earning favor
Promising
Self-Improvement
Commitment
Dedication
Instead of a life based on just trusting God. Before this, I always put flesh with murder, adultery, immorality, etc.
So what does it mean to live the Christian life? It means to trust God, with everything... with your whole life..... and thats it. Thats what it looks like.
Easy enough answer.... no one ever seems to give that answer though.
The next thing I really enjoyed was how the author uses Genesis to put all of this in perspective. How to live a Christian life is right there, in the first book (Genesis 2:8-9, 16-17). My favorite part is pointing out the 2 specific trees... theres the Tree of Life .... and the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil.
That would be the first indication that Life .... and Right&Wrong.... are completely separate things.... (I never even noticed that distinction before... and we have all read Genesis 2 like a bajillion times).....PLUS God never intended that people live a life knowing good & evil which is why they were forbidden to eat from that tree....and only that tree... All they had to do was trust God, he had provided everything for them... THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Why did they eat from it then? For 2 reasons.... 1)they thought they could do (behavior) something to be like God and 2) they thought that they were not like God. Both of those were lies... (Genesis 1:26-31 and 3:5)
Anyway, I totally relate to Eve. I have a desire to be godly and so I try to improve myself, but really I have been lied to... I am already like God, I even have Christ as my life. I don't have to do anything at all. Not one thing.... except trust God and allow him to transform me....
"oh the folly of trying to enter a room that you are already in." -- watchman nee
5.7.08
are you walking worthy today?
1. You have decided to ignore someone completely because you are too cowardly to break up with them
2. When you finally get enough balls to talk to that person you give them some line about "needing time and space"
3. Instead of actually being honest with anyone you make up some story about how this person is distracting you from your "ministry"
4. You ignore the fact that this person has been there for you through everything when you were too ashamed to talk to anyone else about your life situations
5. You also ignore the fact that this person was ready to move across the country for you and change their entire life because they were 100% on board with what your dreams were
6. You have decided to talk to another girl instead of actually having to face the person who is suppose to mean the world to you
7. You are still refusing to have any type of communication with the previous person yet this person can clearly read the writing on the wall
8. When you tell someone "I love you" there is a 99% chance that you have no idea how you feel
9. You have told someone that you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them but not really meant it... but you still went as far as SETTING A DATE.
10. Your actions do not produce consequences (Read the way I treat people doesn't affect me).
If you identify with any of these statements, then you are most likely not walking worthy today. Or any other day really.
Just a small piece of advice (although you probably won't take it because, what would a girl like me have to offer you anyway?)
Ignoring problems does not make them go away, and (i know this is a shocker....) but ignoring people also does not make them go away.
Sooner or later you will reap what you sew.
2. When you finally get enough balls to talk to that person you give them some line about "needing time and space"
3. Instead of actually being honest with anyone you make up some story about how this person is distracting you from your "ministry"
4. You ignore the fact that this person has been there for you through everything when you were too ashamed to talk to anyone else about your life situations
5. You also ignore the fact that this person was ready to move across the country for you and change their entire life because they were 100% on board with what your dreams were
6. You have decided to talk to another girl instead of actually having to face the person who is suppose to mean the world to you
7. You are still refusing to have any type of communication with the previous person yet this person can clearly read the writing on the wall
8. When you tell someone "I love you" there is a 99% chance that you have no idea how you feel
9. You have told someone that you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them but not really meant it... but you still went as far as SETTING A DATE.
10. Your actions do not produce consequences (Read the way I treat people doesn't affect me).
If you identify with any of these statements, then you are most likely not walking worthy today. Or any other day really.
Just a small piece of advice (although you probably won't take it because, what would a girl like me have to offer you anyway?)
Ignoring problems does not make them go away, and (i know this is a shocker....) but ignoring people also does not make them go away.
Sooner or later you will reap what you sew.
1.7.08
a sidenote...
this is not part of the grace walk experience as i mentioned the next posts would be about that....
i was just hanging out with some good friends tonight having some interesting "catch-up on our lives" conversations and it got me thinking about many things...
when do people grow up? not behaviorally, bc we all know its no fun to always act grown up...
but really grow up, like find out who they are and stop putting up all the fronts and stop saying/being what people want to hear/see and instead say/be what they actually mean/are ?
my girls and i have an interesting mix of life-happenings (i like that, im calling them that from now on) all very different from each other..... but when it comes down to it, they are so similar
and here, the whole time, we are trying to make everyone think that we've got it all together yet, none of us do!
and we wait until it gets to that low low point to reach out to each other... just to find out that we all know how the other one is feeling ....
you would think at some point (uh, say like now) i could identify this and then change the cycle, break the habit
we'll see :)
i was just hanging out with some good friends tonight having some interesting "catch-up on our lives" conversations and it got me thinking about many things...
when do people grow up? not behaviorally, bc we all know its no fun to always act grown up...
but really grow up, like find out who they are and stop putting up all the fronts and stop saying/being what people want to hear/see and instead say/be what they actually mean/are ?
my girls and i have an interesting mix of life-happenings (i like that, im calling them that from now on) all very different from each other..... but when it comes down to it, they are so similar
and here, the whole time, we are trying to make everyone think that we've got it all together yet, none of us do!
and we wait until it gets to that low low point to reach out to each other... just to find out that we all know how the other one is feeling ....
you would think at some point (uh, say like now) i could identify this and then change the cycle, break the habit
we'll see :)
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