ugh....

I have the stomach flu....... gross.

what exactly is the lesson learned here???? nothing to rejoice about going to the bathroom 5 million times an hour.....


much enlightenment is needed right now.....

my entire body hurts....gross.

everybody in the clubs gettin chips

driving in the car today.... my cousin brought so much laughter to my heart... there was this hip-hop song playing (it was horrible im just going to say that here and not bash anyones musical taste out loud) and the line is "everyone in the clubs gettin tipsy" but its not exactly pronunciated that well...so add the language barrier:

"what....i dont get it, everyone is getting chips??"
"noooo...its tipsy"
"tipsy??"
"drinking too much"
"oh.......*confused face*

she grew up in micronesia (yea...micro what? i know what your thinking) and went to high school in, of all places, las vegas. so she has been fully exposed to "american" culture ..... pop. culture at least.

anyway...she is now rooming at my house and i have been her personal taxi service since she hasn't ever learned to drive..... there have been many moments similar to the one above (awkward silences when trying to communicate....etc) and i do confess i felt very burdened lately having to basically hold her hand through most things....

but this afternoon that moment in the car made something click in my brain..... i should just seize this as an opporunity to be a light to her and to get to know my family better

*2 other events today that go along with this.....

1. i took her out to the middle school parking lot to let her drive around...its hard to teach someone how to drive....really trying to explain acceleration, coming to a complete stop, and the rules of the center "left turn" lane..... good times

2. having my uncle and aunt (my cousins parents) experience taco bell for the first time..... and trying to explain what the hot sauce packets were ... "its like ketchup..... only its really spicy...you put it on the tacos"

there can only be more to come i guess..... god has a great sense of humor sometimes

lots of parenthesis this time : )

this weekend i went home for easter (he is risen indeed) and i picked up my bf's old ipod nano that he gave to me (!!!!!!!!) i have been looking forward to this moment for awhile since i am very technologically deprived,

my whole life i have been actually.... my parents had the same tv for like 20 years before it finally just died and they had to get a new one..... DVD player...i got it for them maybe 2 years ago......we were always the last people to get the newest things...cell phone, home computer, color printer, etc. I moved out though and now they have satellite with a bajillion channels, a copy/printer/fax unit, digital picture frames, laptop, jump-drives and palm pilots (im very proud of them)

..... but last night i realized another great thing...i have a brand new insight into his life... weird i know because its just an ipod right? but having someones music collection almost feels kind of intimate (and stalker-esque). the songs he enjoys really say a lot about him... the diversity and the genres...albums and artists....... but the playlists are the best, just the names of them say a lot too

one thing learned.... we dont have quite the same taste in music.....(and he only ran a couple times and completely wasted his money on buying that Nike microchip stuff with the shoes) but there's definitely a middle ground that we could build on......

since i had the ipod, and he has a RIDICULOUSLY large (and abandoned) CD collection at home, i took the liberty of also taking a big stack of those to expand my music library.....and now my new favorite thing to do is listen to them and try to imagine which songs he would like from each CD..... its kind of cool (maybe even a little pathetic and corny?)

the best are a bunch of the ones he made himself because i know that he chose each song on them for a particular reason (he has been known to make CDs with only 4 songs just for a short drive somewhere)

anyway....if you ever have a chance to invade someones music collection(cds...playlists....Pandora account) i highly recommend you take it

i guess im just very thankful tonight that even though he is thousands of miles away i have been given another opportunity to get to know him that much more :) its kind of funny how just playing a song he likes makes me feel like part of him is here with me

pondering today

isnt it funny how in the world today we come to define ourselves by our career? i thought of this because of all the many "user profiles" i have filled out (and edited) recently..... almost everyone introduces themselves by where they went to school, what degree they have or what they studied, or what job they have now...... as if that really can begin to describe who we are!

think about it.... how many times have you met new people and one of the first things you get out of the way is "what do you do?" and then more details are attained after that...... it is the worst when you cant really say anything (i just got out of that stage)

anyway, i just wrote my profile for this site and i found that i automatically wanted to say "i graduated from ASU where i studied........blah blah blah" while design is a HUGE passion of mine..... that does not even begin to describe me

" Hi im Ginger, Im a designer"

its such a front really, the world striving to attain titles just for an identity...... so really then, what do we want people to "know" about us?? What would we say if we didnt have our college and career driven society?

"Hi im Ginger, i like to sing in my car with the radio blasted"

Could you imagine? I think that says so much more about the type of person i am then my career or where i went to school : )

benjamin

this weekend was busy...... but thank goodness it was not much work and all play :) i spent part of sunday with my family at the aloha festival in downtown phx. good food and some..... interesting live performances, but the best by far was my nephew

i miss him a lot..... he always warms my heart and makes me laugh and smile....almost makes it not so unimaginable to have kids of my own someday (almost being the key word) i dont even want to think about that right now......

just wanted to post about some more "random" things of my life..... like my brother having a kid and a "quick" marriage at first probably seemed random (even taboo to others) to most of my family......but benjamin has brought so much love and joy into my family exactly at the right moment, we are the closest we have ever been in my whole life

part of my story would be missing w/o him in it

so...daily, the more i reflect on my life He continues to blow me away...i seem to have had PLENTY of time to reflect lately....im still bitter about that one God.....but im sure you know best

when i grow up....

so it hit me yesterday as my business partner and i were just finishing up a meeting....... i am a designer.

i know that sounds weird because i've had 2 other positions at really cool firms but for some reason it just really sunk-in around the time we were discussing budgets and what not, that i am at that "when i grow up" stage in life..... you know when you're a kid and everyone makes you decide where you want to be in life when you are 25. I'm pretty sure that designer and owner of my own business never even crossed my mind when i was 7...how would you even illustrate that with crayolas?

i know once i wanted to be a veterinarian, probably a pro-soccer player at some point, and i know for sure for awhile there architect was on the list...

People always ask how I decided on interior design in college....and it sill amazed me even to think about it. my mom and i randomly chose it out of the ASU catalogs because her advice to me was that it would be better than having an undeclared major. "you can always change your mind if you dont like it" well, i never changed my mind about design, only boyfriends and pastimes....... I guess it wasnt completely random, i mean we read almost every description of every major along with all the class descriptions that the college of architecture and urban planning had to offer.... but im pretty sure we chose it within a 4 hour period of time...

so anyway, i am grown up and the more i realize this the more i confirm that there really is no such thing as "random"..... anything that i ever thought happened "randomly" to me has always ended up making perfect sense (and also blowing my mind a little) eventually

If i wasnt already a believer i think that this would be a good argument for the presence of someone else's hand in the plan/path/design of all life....not just mine

so now what comes after that "when I grow up" stage.....?? well, i guess they really dont prepare you for that in grade school ! But im looking forward to being blessed with more "randomness"

confession...

i need relationships to validate myself

selfishness vs. selflessness

selfishness.
it blinds people.... it really does. i think it blinds everyone.

the world is bigger than you and life is bigger than you.... i wonder if some people just never figure out that what they call their "world"....their "journey".... their "walk" is really everyone's reality....... and everything they do effects everyone else (especially people that you have relationships with).....sometimes i think that selfishness masks everything else around them.....and they cant think beyond their own spiritualness and emotions

being blind to how you make people feel or the ways you influence/change their "world/journey/walk" only hinders your own spiritual growth

selflessness.
i think it is the key.....to everything.

is it possible to not care enough about yourself?? i have problems with caring too much for others... i think, if thats even considered a problem.... when is it ok to think about yourself??? one can only be used, abused, heartbroken, disappointed so many times...... when is it ok to stand up for yourself, to be upset, or to express those feelings ??

i feel guilty for doing that, because i feel like i should be more "selfless" and not worry about what i am getting in return.... but where is the balance? is there suppose to be a balance? when is it ok to want or hope for something in return? Or at least some kind of reciprocation ?

is it ever ok..... or is it selfishness that blinds me to think that i deserve something from others?