in the spirit of things....

everything around me has been so politically charged lately (i wonder if this is because i have been doing nothing except watching a lot of tv...cnn to be exact, thanks to my parents)

I was trying to keep politcal things out of my blog, but I do have to rant about something I heard on AirOne (?) this week. Christian radio station...... right? Well, yea so theres this guy basically encouraging christians to vote and to educate themselves before doing so. Pretty simple message, cant really argue with it.

The part that got to me is that he was referencing the "same-sex marriage" issue, stating that the judicial system has too much power and that christian families are threatened by their rulings on the issues. So educate yourself about how to get those judges out of power is really where the add is heading.

So here's my rant (which is basically what was going through my head when i heard it on the radio):

Seriously??? We are Christians. We are followers of Jesus and children of the most powerful entity.... ever. And you are going to tell me that I should fear for the future of the "family" structure in America? Because a bunch of homosexual people want to legally wed, that is somehow going to change the way that I live or continue to raise my family??? WTF?!?.............

and the rant only continues... im pretty sure that my body tempurature rose during all of this.

The point really is not the rant, but the fact that I realized (ONCE AGAIN) why so many people in the world today turn away from Christians....bc some things we do, say, stand up for, etc. ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS...and fleeting, and miss the point of true Christianity completely.

and .... I get to be grouped, stereotyped, associated with people like that, people that run those kinds of adds. Its extremely discouraging.

feeling used (but not in a bad way this time)

a few weeks ago i was minding my own business... in line at wal-mart (omg.... yes i actually forced myself to go there) it was the middle of the day... i was thinking about absolutely nothing and most likely nawing at my fingernails waiting to be checked out....

i heard the 2 women behind me chatting and then i realize one of them is saying "excuse me ma'am" ...trying to get my attention.... im not sure how many times she had to say it since i was off in my own little world ..... but it finally registered in my brain and turned around....

they asked me for a ride... just came right out and asked if i could give them a ride. random right??

well.... as mentioned through-out my blog. I no longer believe in randomness, so I mentally size them up in about a split second.... and got no bad vibe. So I started talking to them.... turns out they are staying at a shelter near-by but their original ride had to leave due to an emergency... turns out while they were shopping they asked god to provide another way home for them.

i dont blame them. it was way too hot to walk back... with groceries none-the-less.....

so they ended up in line behind me, and im guessing that they read my shirt, bc i happened to be wearing one with christian references and a bible verse on the back!

i took them home and we chatted a bit and gave the short versions of our lives.... after dropping them off i was extremely giddy. i was so happy to be able to do something nice for them but i was more excited that i was blessed by meeting 2 women of faith and being able to rejoice in gods greatness for all of 5 minutes we spent in the car together......

the funniest part about the whole thing, which i reflected on with the bf later that night: i could not for the life of me figure out what to wear that morning!! the tshirt was the last resort to me but ended up being a sign for those women....

i hope i can randomly run into them again someday :)

at last . . .

Last month i had the opportunity to visit a place called The Wave... just north of the grand canyon... basically right smack-dab on the az/utah border. Some friends and I stayed for a weekend in a wilderness area of paria canyon/vermillion cliffs national park.

The trip could not have been at a better time in my life. Just another reason to thank God for his hand in my life. With my head full of questions and a brokenheart, I had the most amazing experience with the lord.

It was very personal to me and Im not going to go into much detail, but the first hike we made was in this area called Buckskin Gulch. Here is a great picture taken by one of my friends. Little did she know she was documenting an amazing conversation....

if you look toward the left side & center of the page you can see me sitting up on a cliff.... I so badly wanted to get away from the group while we were exploring the canyon, and i had finally gotten a chance.... it was weird once i sat down and was completely alone... the tears just began to fall non-stop, but for some reason i felt completely calm... i felt a very comforting presence all around me. it was such a beautiful view...... so vast that it made my life and my problems seem small and pointless..... its strange how it took a 6-hour drive and a trek to the middle of nowhere to be reminded that he is always with me....

the last day before we set out to hike, i had some more time alone at the campsite. i just wanted to pray and thank god for the day before.... but he had other things in mind. i had my ipod and was just letting the songs play at random..... while i was praying he just decided to reveal a lot of things to me about my life and my situations.... some not so great to have to face.... of all the things he showed me that morning i just wanted to share the one that meant the most:

He did create those canyons, caused the prehistoric volcanoes and all the processes that produced such an amazing landscape.... beauty beyond describing... but that same awesome power created every part of me! I am just as amazing as what I was experiencing that whole weekend. All the beauty that I saw in the mountains, cliffs, and canyons.... that same beauty is woven through-out me. All of nature is just a reflection of God but I seem to set myself apart from that....me... small, insignifigant, doubting, and worrisome me. Until I truely understand and ACCEPT that truth.... I will not be happy and I cannot grow.

I cant even begin to describe how the need for that truth has been present in my life for YEARS. YEARS. And I am just getting it now.... and the fact that it was revealed to me then (as in last month) has already transformed my life and is helping me today, as more life situations have made themselves present.

Here are some other photos of the trek :) sorry for the sideways one.... i hate windows vista.

my new fav band

just heard Addison Road for the first time tonight in the car.... so had to check them out online, good stuff... god is timely.

I don’t know what to pray for
I don’t know what to say
But my heart is breaking
And I am thinking “things shouldn’t be this way”

We’re stretched, we’re pulled and twisted
In ways we weren’t meant to be
It’s just too hard to let life pass quietly

Hold on, Let go
Well, it’s so hard to know
What is right, what is right?

Hold on, Let go
Well, it’s so hard to know
What is right, what is right?What is right?

I want so bad to keep you
But I know that it is time
So I give you up
But not in my mind
Your voice, your laugh and your stories
The things that you helped me through
Your faith has helped me grow
It’s brought you home too

Hold on, Let go
Well, it’s so hard to know
What is right, what is right?

Hold on, Let go
Well, it’s so hard to know
What is right, what is right?
What is right?

Hold on, Let go
Hold on, Let go
Hold on, Let go
Hold on, Let go


Like I said... timely. But my new fav. song is the one called Sticking With You... just makes me happy.

awesome...... and not awesome

blah. that is how i feel about blogging lately.
sorry to the faithful readers (you know who you are.... and i do as well...sort of....)

I miss my Sedona Stalker. I wonder who you were.

So grace-walk is on hold... in case you had not noticed. I literally don't even know where my notes/book is at the moment... I also have not spent time thinking about that stuff for awhile... I have not even been able to seriously sit down with my bible in awhile either... since im going to be honest..... which on a side-note is interesting.... I have not read my bible... but I have not felt so in-tune with jesus and my faith as I am feeling lately... I have just been blessed with an amazing support group.... some came out of nowhere even, but i am extremely thankful for them all....

anywho...back to updating

I am now officially living in Casa Grande, Az again. I have mixed feelings about it so far.
Free rent.... awesome. Having my parents keeping tabs on me.... not awesome. And its not in a strict way... just a "hey where are you? or where are you going? what time are you coming home?" I'm going to miss not having to report to anyone.

Also, I just managed to move my whole life into a room that is about the same size as my closet at my townhouse in tempe..... the fact that I am making it work.... awesome. The realization that I own waaaaaaaaaay to much crap.... not awesome.

my company landed an amazing contract..... awesome. I am going to be commuting on I-10 now everyday.... not awesome.

being welcomed back by some great old friends (and new ones too) with arms wide open.... awesome. Having to explain to them what happened .... not awesome. Word gets around in a small town and how do you tell your story w/o bias?

i get to spend time with my family again... awesome. i am reminded daily that there is a family that i have lost as well.... not awesome.

i get to see my darling nephews everyday now... awesome. sometimes being with them reminds me of plans that i have to let go of.... not awesome.

awesome, i am actually experiencing more joy than i expected lately...... not awesome, there are a lot of loose ends that i think i will never have a chance to tie up .... a lot of things left unsaid...
there is a great lesson to be learned.......sounds like my next blog

that is as clever as i can be tonight.

i thank jesus for my comfort and my clarity through all of this

the first truth (back to grace walk again)

(sorry for the interruption)

ask this on a sunday morning and see the discussion arise: What does it mean to live a Christian life? Why is everyone's answer completely different.... who knows. But no one really seems to have the real answer.

I use to answer that with "your life should look like this" kind of answers. Filled with reading your bible, praying a lot, saving the world, being nice, etc. So this first truth puzzled me for awhile bc it clearly strikes down a "your life should look like this" type of answer.

Truth: Improving your behavior will not give you victory in the Christian life.

Um hello? I have been taught for how many years of my life how to become more christian or be closer to god... and there was always something i needed to improve on or do better in order to have that perfect life.

But the author really got my brain turning because he asks "what are some of the things you've done to try to be victorious?" but right after asks if those actions really gave you a victorious life. NO! Mediocre at best... filled with lots of "rededication" (which by the way is not even a word, according to spell check... if its not a word how can you do it?)

But the bible describes the Christian life as full of joy and victory? Whats the deal then? I have felt more defeat than victory in my life.

What really stuck out to me thinking about this truth is the word flesh. Paul describes his life before Christ as "fleshy" (Philippians 3:3-6) But to everyone else he seemed perfect. I have read that passage so many times but never got what he was saying until now. Paul says its not about what family you are raised in, how well u know scripture, how devoted you are, or how perfect you may act. Its not about behavior.... so then why did i ever think that improving my behavior would make my life better? No idea.

I now see flesh as living a life based on :
Self- Sufficiency
Achievement
Trying
Earning favor
Promising
Self-Improvement
Commitment
Dedication

Instead of a life based on just trusting God. Before this, I always put flesh with murder, adultery, immorality, etc.

So what does it mean to live the Christian life? It means to trust God, with everything... with your whole life..... and thats it. Thats what it looks like.

Easy enough answer.... no one ever seems to give that answer though.

The next thing I really enjoyed was how the author uses Genesis to put all of this in perspective. How to live a Christian life is right there, in the first book (Genesis 2:8-9, 16-17). My favorite part is pointing out the 2 specific trees... theres the Tree of Life .... and the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil.

That would be the first indication that Life .... and Right&Wrong.... are completely separate things.... (I never even noticed that distinction before... and we have all read Genesis 2 like a bajillion times).....PLUS God never intended that people live a life knowing good & evil which is why they were forbidden to eat from that tree....and only that tree... All they had to do was trust God, he had provided everything for them... THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Why did they eat from it then? For 2 reasons.... 1)they thought they could do (behavior) something to be like God and 2) they thought that they were not like God. Both of those were lies... (Genesis 1:26-31 and 3:5)


Anyway, I totally relate to Eve. I have a desire to be godly and so I try to improve myself, but really I have been lied to... I am already like God, I even have Christ as my life. I don't have to do anything at all. Not one thing.... except trust God and allow him to transform me....


"oh the folly of trying to enter a room that you are already in." -- watchman nee

are you walking worthy today?

1. You have decided to ignore someone completely because you are too cowardly to break up with them

2. When you finally get enough balls to talk to that person you give them some line about "needing time and space"

3. Instead of actually being honest with anyone you make up some story about how this person is distracting you from your "ministry"

4. You ignore the fact that this person has been there for you through everything when you were too ashamed to talk to anyone else about your life situations

5. You also ignore the fact that this person was ready to move across the country for you and change their entire life because they were 100% on board with what your dreams were

6. You have decided to talk to another girl instead of actually having to face the person who is suppose to mean the world to you

7. You are still refusing to have any type of communication with the previous person yet this person can clearly read the writing on the wall

8. When you tell someone "I love you" there is a 99% chance that you have no idea how you feel

9. You have told someone that you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them but not really meant it... but you still went as far as SETTING A DATE.

10. Your actions do not produce consequences (Read the way I treat people doesn't affect me).

If you identify with any of these statements, then you are most likely not walking worthy today. Or any other day really.

Just a small piece of advice (although you probably won't take it because, what would a girl like me have to offer you anyway?)

Ignoring problems does not make them go away, and (i know this is a shocker....) but ignoring people also does not make them go away.

Sooner or later you will reap what you sew.