(omg! november was the last time i blogged?! it has really been that long. . . ? !)
I just need to rant before i explode.... because ever since all the election and economic drama began in the world i have been sitting on this one:
I feel bad, or maybe weird is a better word to describe it, that the down-turn of the times has not gotten to me yet.... don't get me wrong, it has definitely affected me, my family, my financial situation, my lifestyle, etc. But all this talk and fear...hopelessness...urgency... seriousness (and I cant forget to mention ridiculousness) seems misplaced to me....
I am taking a more happy stance against all of the bad things going on in the world right now.... i could go through them by item.... like price drops, layoffs, racial politics, controversy with religions and sexual orientations.... etc.... etc.... but i started doing that and realized that it would take forever.
Here is my best attempt at a summary:
Its about time the **it hit the fan... excuse my lack of a better analogy..... im glad beliefs, values, and morals are being tested. im glad people are being made uncomfortable in their lifestyles.... losing jobs, or fear losing a job, losing money, losing any kind of possession (seen and unseen, tangible and conceptual) im glad that everything is in question.... should we be in iraq.... is global warming really happening.... should our president associate with this person or that person.... should speed cameras be banned... should we be spending more to make more... is the country becoming socialist.... should health care be universal.... should my gay friends be able to get married.... should the state cut education funding.... should i support companies that outsource.... should athletes be prosecuted for drug use.... should i stop buying hondas....... etc.
There is tragedy of course, people going hungry, people becoming homeless, even people dying, etc etc . . . but im glad for all of this, as harsh as the reality of what im saying is . . .
Its about time people learned that money and possessions do not make us who we are.... neither does our job .... none of that is everlasting. its about time they realize that everything they have and that they are can be taken away in the blink of an eye.... and what do they have left?? and was it worth it?
The current state of the union is proof that they way we have been choosing to live and operate as a society is NOT WORKING.... and im not talking... democracy... capitalism.... kind of living.....
im talking about what people put their hearts and souls into.... that kind of living.... what they put their trust in... what they bet their life on.... like do unto others as you would have them do unto you kind of living
In a little less than 10 weeks, my life is going to change drastically.... along with all the economic hardship.... and lets not forget emotional hardship, that I have faced in the past couple of years... I am ready for the change! While most today would say that this is no time to start a family.... I am welcoming it with open arms!
Call me crazy..... but the current state of the union makes me happy.... it gives me confidence.... and i hope i am not alone in this, because all of this just proves that i know what is everlasting, and i know who i am and that i have set my heart and soul in something that can't be ruined by politics or economics.
ok... end of rant!
6.2.09
18.11.08
25 Years of Wisdom
(Because who can trust what they thought when they were an 8th grader.....?)
This has been working its way to my fingertips for months now. I have been anticipating the 25th anniversary of the best day EVER for awhile. In honor (… of myself…..) of the occasion these are some things I have been waiting to put out there. I apologize if you've read any of it somewhere else or if it sounds really cliché… I promise it came from my head!
I can't blame who I am today on my parents…. maybe who I was 10 years ago, but not today.
It is the hardest thing to realize that you have to take responsibility for yourself… your personality….habits… tendencies….choices etc. It is even harder to forgive the things and people that made you that way. I think this is because we can't decide whether to forgive them or thank them.
God isn't silent. I can look back and point out the exact times in my life when He was screaming for my attention. I just didn't realize it then. Now, I hear him everyday and He rarely has to raise his voice.
I do not follow a specific religion. I understand that Christ came to end religion.
Following Christ will (not can...but will) cause you to break a lot of rules. Other people's.... but also the ones that you have had set in your heart and your mind since you were born. I have learned to tell the difference between compromising my faith and following his will.
I've found that people neither need nor want your opinions and ideas, but they do need and want Christ's love. That really is the only thing of value that I have to offer.
I may "always be in a relationship" as some like to complain, um I mean point out... but I never take them lightly and in each one I can always say I am true to myself in my speech as well as my actions. What does that say about those who are "always single" but play with or even dismiss other people's (and their own) feelings.
Some friendships will not last forever. I have finally learned what being a friend DOES NOT include. There are too many to list.
I can now see who will be here with me for the next 25 years and who won't and I happily accept it.
The last, but certainly not the least, bit I would like to share is actually best expressed in a song. Its a fairly new one from Rascal Flatts. Anyway, it describes one of the truest parts of my life better than I could with my own words:
'Here'
There's a place I've been looking for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it a couple times
Even settled down
And I'd hand around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me
And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by, God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding what I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads I had to take
To get me in your arms this way
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to here
And if that's the road God made me take to be with you
Then I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here
This has been working its way to my fingertips for months now. I have been anticipating the 25th anniversary of the best day EVER for awhile. In honor (… of myself…..) of the occasion these are some things I have been waiting to put out there. I apologize if you've read any of it somewhere else or if it sounds really cliché… I promise it came from my head!
I can't blame who I am today on my parents…. maybe who I was 10 years ago, but not today.
It is the hardest thing to realize that you have to take responsibility for yourself… your personality….habits… tendencies….choices etc. It is even harder to forgive the things and people that made you that way. I think this is because we can't decide whether to forgive them or thank them.
God isn't silent. I can look back and point out the exact times in my life when He was screaming for my attention. I just didn't realize it then. Now, I hear him everyday and He rarely has to raise his voice.
I do not follow a specific religion. I understand that Christ came to end religion.
Following Christ will (not can...but will) cause you to break a lot of rules. Other people's.... but also the ones that you have had set in your heart and your mind since you were born. I have learned to tell the difference between compromising my faith and following his will.
I've found that people neither need nor want your opinions and ideas, but they do need and want Christ's love. That really is the only thing of value that I have to offer.
I may "always be in a relationship" as some like to complain, um I mean point out... but I never take them lightly and in each one I can always say I am true to myself in my speech as well as my actions. What does that say about those who are "always single" but play with or even dismiss other people's (and their own) feelings.
Some friendships will not last forever. I have finally learned what being a friend DOES NOT include. There are too many to list.
I can now see who will be here with me for the next 25 years and who won't and I happily accept it.
The last, but certainly not the least, bit I would like to share is actually best expressed in a song. Its a fairly new one from Rascal Flatts. Anyway, it describes one of the truest parts of my life better than I could with my own words:
'Here'
There's a place I've been looking for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it a couple times
Even settled down
And I'd hand around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me
And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by, God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding what I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads I had to take
To get me in your arms this way
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to here
And if that's the road God made me take to be with you
Then I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here
27.10.08
had to add this.....
video about more issues.... sorry more politcal-ness... i love this one
this one... on the other hand.... makes me sick to my stomach, goes along with my previous blog... these people claim the same faith as me ...ugh :(
this one... on the other hand.... makes me sick to my stomach, goes along with my previous blog... these people claim the same faith as me ...ugh :(
9.10.08
24.9.08
in the spirit of things....
everything around me has been so politically charged lately (i wonder if this is because i have been doing nothing except watching a lot of tv...cnn to be exact, thanks to my parents)
I was trying to keep politcal things out of my blog, but I do have to rant about something I heard on AirOne (?) this week. Christian radio station...... right? Well, yea so theres this guy basically encouraging christians to vote and to educate themselves before doing so. Pretty simple message, cant really argue with it.
The part that got to me is that he was referencing the "same-sex marriage" issue, stating that the judicial system has too much power and that christian families are threatened by their rulings on the issues. So educate yourself about how to get those judges out of power is really where the add is heading.
So here's my rant (which is basically what was going through my head when i heard it on the radio):
Seriously??? We are Christians. We are followers of Jesus and children of the most powerful entity.... ever. And you are going to tell me that I should fear for the future of the "family" structure in America? Because a bunch of homosexual people want to legally wed, that is somehow going to change the way that I live or continue to raise my family??? WTF?!?.............
and the rant only continues... im pretty sure that my body tempurature rose during all of this.
The point really is not the rant, but the fact that I realized (ONCE AGAIN) why so many people in the world today turn away from Christians....bc some things we do, say, stand up for, etc. ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS...and fleeting, and miss the point of true Christianity completely.
and .... I get to be grouped, stereotyped, associated with people like that, people that run those kinds of adds. Its extremely discouraging.
I was trying to keep politcal things out of my blog, but I do have to rant about something I heard on AirOne (?) this week. Christian radio station...... right? Well, yea so theres this guy basically encouraging christians to vote and to educate themselves before doing so. Pretty simple message, cant really argue with it.
The part that got to me is that he was referencing the "same-sex marriage" issue, stating that the judicial system has too much power and that christian families are threatened by their rulings on the issues. So educate yourself about how to get those judges out of power is really where the add is heading.
So here's my rant (which is basically what was going through my head when i heard it on the radio):
Seriously??? We are Christians. We are followers of Jesus and children of the most powerful entity.... ever. And you are going to tell me that I should fear for the future of the "family" structure in America? Because a bunch of homosexual people want to legally wed, that is somehow going to change the way that I live or continue to raise my family??? WTF?!?.............
and the rant only continues... im pretty sure that my body tempurature rose during all of this.
The point really is not the rant, but the fact that I realized (ONCE AGAIN) why so many people in the world today turn away from Christians....bc some things we do, say, stand up for, etc. ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS...and fleeting, and miss the point of true Christianity completely.
and .... I get to be grouped, stereotyped, associated with people like that, people that run those kinds of adds. Its extremely discouraging.
18.9.08
feeling used (but not in a bad way this time)
a few weeks ago i was minding my own business... in line at wal-mart (omg.... yes i actually forced myself to go there) it was the middle of the day... i was thinking about absolutely nothing and most likely nawing at my fingernails waiting to be checked out....
i heard the 2 women behind me chatting and then i realize one of them is saying "excuse me ma'am" ...trying to get my attention.... im not sure how many times she had to say it since i was off in my own little world ..... but it finally registered in my brain and turned around....
they asked me for a ride... just came right out and asked if i could give them a ride. random right??
well.... as mentioned through-out my blog. I no longer believe in randomness, so I mentally size them up in about a split second.... and got no bad vibe. So I started talking to them.... turns out they are staying at a shelter near-by but their original ride had to leave due to an emergency... turns out while they were shopping they asked god to provide another way home for them.
i dont blame them. it was way too hot to walk back... with groceries none-the-less.....
so they ended up in line behind me, and im guessing that they read my shirt, bc i happened to be wearing one with christian references and a bible verse on the back!
i took them home and we chatted a bit and gave the short versions of our lives.... after dropping them off i was extremely giddy. i was so happy to be able to do something nice for them but i was more excited that i was blessed by meeting 2 women of faith and being able to rejoice in gods greatness for all of 5 minutes we spent in the car together......
the funniest part about the whole thing, which i reflected on with the bf later that night: i could not for the life of me figure out what to wear that morning!! the tshirt was the last resort to me but ended up being a sign for those women....
i hope i can randomly run into them again someday :)
i heard the 2 women behind me chatting and then i realize one of them is saying "excuse me ma'am" ...trying to get my attention.... im not sure how many times she had to say it since i was off in my own little world ..... but it finally registered in my brain and turned around....
they asked me for a ride... just came right out and asked if i could give them a ride. random right??
well.... as mentioned through-out my blog. I no longer believe in randomness, so I mentally size them up in about a split second.... and got no bad vibe. So I started talking to them.... turns out they are staying at a shelter near-by but their original ride had to leave due to an emergency... turns out while they were shopping they asked god to provide another way home for them.
i dont blame them. it was way too hot to walk back... with groceries none-the-less.....
so they ended up in line behind me, and im guessing that they read my shirt, bc i happened to be wearing one with christian references and a bible verse on the back!
i took them home and we chatted a bit and gave the short versions of our lives.... after dropping them off i was extremely giddy. i was so happy to be able to do something nice for them but i was more excited that i was blessed by meeting 2 women of faith and being able to rejoice in gods greatness for all of 5 minutes we spent in the car together......
the funniest part about the whole thing, which i reflected on with the bf later that night: i could not for the life of me figure out what to wear that morning!! the tshirt was the last resort to me but ended up being a sign for those women....
i hope i can randomly run into them again someday :)
23.8.08
at last . . .
Last month i had the opportunity to visit a place called The Wave... just north of the grand canyon... basically right smack-dab on the az/utah border. Some friends and I stayed for a weekend in a wilderness area of paria canyon/vermillion cliffs national park.
The trip could not have been at a better time in my life. Just another reason to thank God for his hand in my life. With my head full of questions and a brokenheart, I had the most amazing experience with the lord.
It was very personal to me and Im not going to go into much detail, but the first hike we made was in this area called Buckskin Gulch. Here is a great picture taken by one of my friends. Little did she know she was documenting an amazing conversation....
if you look toward the left side & center of the page you can see me sitting up on a cliff.... I so badly wanted to get away from the group while we were exploring the canyon, and i had finally gotten a chance.... it was weird once i sat down and was completely alone... the tears just began to fall non-stop, but for some reason i felt completely calm... i felt a very comforting presence all around me. it was such a beautiful view...... so vast that it made my life and my problems seem small and pointless..... its strange how it took a 6-hour drive and a trek to the middle of nowhere to be reminded that he is always with me....
the last day before we set out to hike, i had some more time alone at the campsite. i just wanted to pray and thank god for the day before.... but he had other things in mind. i had my ipod and was just letting the songs play at random..... while i was praying he just decided to reveal a lot of things to me about my life and my situations.... some not so great to have to face.... of all the things he showed me that morning i just wanted to share the one that meant the most:
He did create those canyons, caused the prehistoric volcanoes and all the processes that produced such an amazing landscape.... beauty beyond describing... but that same awesome power created every part of me! I am just as amazing as what I was experiencing that whole weekend. All the beauty that I saw in the mountains, cliffs, and canyons.... that same beauty is woven through-out me. All of nature is just a reflection of God but I seem to set myself apart from that....me... small, insignifigant, doubting, and worrisome me. Until I truely understand and ACCEPT that truth.... I will not be happy and I cannot grow.
I cant even begin to describe how the need for that truth has been present in my life for YEARS. YEARS. And I am just getting it now.... and the fact that it was revealed to me then (as in last month) has already transformed my life and is helping me today, as more life situations have made themselves present.
Here are some other photos of the trek :) sorry for the sideways one.... i hate windows vista.
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